The Unusual Suspects

 7/25

Standing in front of the dresser, Officer Chet Stephens couldn't deny that the station's makeup artist had done a fine job on him. Tubes of cosmetics lay around him like spent ammunition, remnants of a battle of which he surely was the loser. A glossy brown wig hugged a skull cap concealing his own hair and below his face was coated with layer upon layer of products he didn't even know the names of postmarked with thickly painted red lips. He wanted to choke on the perfume that the beautician had sprayed liberally on the lacy negligee. What even was the point of that? Could the witness really smell him through the one-way glass of the viewing room?

“Ready?” Detective Pam Larsson entered the room and immediately broke into wide grin. She took her time looking him up and down. First at his thick feminine mask, then the round breast forms that plumped out his chest, and finally at his long slender legs encased in shiny silk stockings. “Oh, Darling, you're ready!”

It hadn't supposed to be like this. As a third generation police officer and station rookie, Chet Stephens was desperate to prove his worth to the force and make his mark just like his father had, and his grandfather before that. And so, from day one, he listened, he asked questions, and fatefully, he volunteered. Police line-ups were a rite of passage for any newly minted officer. The routine was always the same – one witness, one suspect, and five alternates. Sometimes the alternates were suspects of other crimes, but more often they were police officers standing in to make up the numbers. So when Detective Finn Collier had entered the break room looking for volunteers, Chet had immediately offered himself up.

Things started to go wrong almost immediately. Despite being new to the force, Chet knew lineups didn't take more that a few minutes, so when he was standing next to five other men for over quarter of an hour, he knew something wasn't right.

“It's inconclusive,” Finn said gravely as he exited the room. “This is an assault case at a cabaret club. The wit says he only saw the perp in full drag queen get up. We need to bring in our undercover prep team and run this again.” The penny hadn't dropped on what exactly this meant until Chet was being pushed into a makeup chair and having his uniform unbuttoned by an overly-enthusiastic makeup artist, and by then he was already regretting ever volunteering.

“Come on then!” Detective Pam Larsson smiled, shaking her head in disbelief of her junior colleague's transformation. “Just wait until the boys in vice get sight of you. They will be chomping at the bit to get you undercover. They've wanted someone in those cabaret clubs by the river for months. You already have a reputation as an eager beaver too!”