Saturday, 20 February 2016

Powerplay (Guest Caption)

So tonight I'm going to try something a little different. I didn't make this caption, it was made for me by the wonderful Felicia Hextus, the amazing little pixie who worked with me on the 'Trigger' and 'Dear Diary' series that a lot of people seem to like. Up until now Felicia has only shared caps privately or as personal requests but she's is thinking of making caps for a wider audience and asked me to test the waters by adding a few that she made for me to see what people think. Obviously feedback would be greatly appreciated since it would be great if Miss Hextus made more work publicly...


4 comments:

  1. Felicia:

    I like your cap quite a bit. The concept is fun, the image choice is superb, and the overall theme of the piece is solid. All the basics are accounted for (capable antagonist, cause for change, definite exchange of power, etc.) which is more than I can say for a great many caps I've read.

    The only criticism I can level is that the composition of the story is a bit rough. The opening sentence starts en medias res with an OVS (Object, Verb, Subject) sentence, which can be a lot to take in all at once.

    Secondly, the dialogue is a bit hard to follow. I think the second sentence in the second paragraph is supposed to be a line of dialogue, a simple typo. More troublesome is the lack of distinction and separation between the two characters' lines. Paragraph breaks are most common, but you can also use colored text to indicate separate characters.

    Lastly, and I'm sorry for throwing all this out at once, the pacing is a bit too up and down. The first paragraph builds beautifully, but then dips down with the description of Trafalgar Square, and the overall structure could use with a bit of pruning for punch.

    I hope you won't become discouraged by all the critiques. I can see very genuine talent in your work, but it is still a bit rough around the edges. I very much look forward to seeing more of your work in the near future.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do hope your make lots more caption Felicia. I Would love to see more of your ideas.

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  2. I love this caption and picture I also would love to look like her too

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  3. Please share more of your caps. I really enjoyed this one.

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