The One and Only Abbey Fabulous

 4/25

Good afternoon, you're through to UltraReal Bodysuits Customer Care, my name is Felicity. How can I help you today?

Yeah, hi, this is Callum Pickering. I would like to extend the rent on the suit I currently have on loan.

Certainly mam, I mean sir, that should be no hassle. Let me just find you on our system. Here... we... go... oh!

Oh?

Yes, well, I can see that you are currently renting our Abbey Fabulous model from our UltraRealLife celebrities range. I am afraid it is a very popular suit and it is fully booked up.

But I'm Abbey Fabulous!

Huh? I thought you said you were Callum Pickering?

I am. But I am also the Fabulous Abbey Fabulous, chat show host extraordinare and bonafide bombshell, and in thirty minutes I have an exclusive interview with the president elect.

Wait. So, the real Fabby Abbey is not actually real. But you in one of our bodysuits?

You're not listening. I need that extension. This is the biggest moment of my career.

But, that would mean people are renting the suit to pretend to be someone wearing a bodysuit...this is blowing my mind.

Yes, yes, it's all very chicken and egg and if you tell anyone, I will sue...now let's get this extension sorted shall we?

I can't. It's booked.

Of course you can. Now chop chop. I'm literally in the studio. The set is behind me. Now make it happen.

I really can't, and sir, I must warn you if you don't remove the suit in the next twenty minutes, it will be presumed stolen and will bind to your body forever. Can't you just do the interview as Callum?

What?! Are you insane?! I can't do it as Callum. Nobody wants to see Callum. Nobody has ever wanted to see Callum. Abbey Fabulous was my ticket to the big-time...to greatness. Without her, I am nothing.

Sir, if you don't return the suit, you will never be without her!

So be it...

Sir?

…

Sir, come back! You realise I need to report the theft to the police, right? Nobody wants Abbey Fabulous to go to jail. Sir? Sir....?